Cassie Gordon

Do you know the story of Joseph in the Bible?

In a brief summary, Joseph is a favored child amongst his siblings, and he has a couple prophetic dreams that show him symbolically being bowed down to by his whole family. His brothers… are not keen on this idea. They get jealous of him and end up selling him into slavery.

Joseph is sold to the Egyptian captain of the guard, where the captain’s wife ends up accusing Joseph of molesting her (which, he didn’t), and is sent to jail because of this accusation.

For years, Joseph was wrongfully in prison.

In my life, I really resonate with Joseph because I feel as though I’ve been imprisoned in my own body. I have multiple health conditions that makes living difficult. Sometimes I feel okay. Sometimes I feel as though I’m on my deathbed.

When you have a chronic illness that seems to cage you, there can be a lot of questions about why, what to do in light of this situation, and how to get through it. I admit this challenge in life isn’t easy. In fact, I’ve been struggling with depression (which, honestly, is understandable when you’re young and yet you feel as though you’re about as capable as an octogenarian.) I miss out on a lot of activities and participation in life because if I join in, either I could make myself nearly faint or I could cause a ripple effect and be out of commission for multiple days afterwards. So no playing tag with my cat much (at least he gets tired out almost as easily as I do, haha), no randomly going to play softball or swim, no running around, no long distance trips without much consideration as to timing and resources, no long walks, no having a job where I can be relied upon (AKA basically all employed jobs). There’s a lot I simply can’t do. I mean… maybe I could do somethings, but I don’t want to be hospitalized.

I feel as though I’m in prison. I’m kept from doing things that I want to do. I’m lonely in my cell walls. (Cell walls… Molecular cell walls, am I right?)

Anyway, the point is I’m really struggling with my own body right now. I have been for years. But the good news is that God’s already working this time for my good. I may not be doing all that I think I should be doing (like having a paying job or living independently), but God has me here for a reason. A reason He hasn’t revealed to me yet. Though probably either on this earth or when I meet God in person, I’ll look back and understand what God was working during this chapter of my life. God’s got an incredible talent for weaving things to work out for my good and for His will. I can keep that in mind during these dark, dank prison days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still struggling immensely, probably more than I realize, but I can hold on to the truth that God’s working this time for my good. Just like He put Joseph where he needed to be at the time he needed to be there, so I believe God is putting me where I ought to be when I need to be there.

What I’ve been itching for is to get a job, to work, to earn money, to also have fun. But God’s got other plans. I think He may be trying to teach me spiritual reliance on Him and not on work (spiritually and physically). This is a lesson I think some people (especially scrupulous people) need to learn: Jesus is the only payment for salvation and favor with God. I mean, I trust Jesus alone and not my works for my salvation, but there’s a part of me that still gets anxious over not doing “enough” for God. A public service announcement: There’s never enough to earn God’s favor or salvation. They’re unearnable! Only through faith in Jesus are you going to have those treasures.

While my writing career may be quiet right now—my brain has decided to take a vacation without getting my permission first—my life is rather stormy behind the scenes. But I know God’s in control and has been giving me strength to get through my difficulties. He has other plans with my life. Better plans for my life than I do.

P.S. I’m still working on my new project “LEAF,” but as my brain has been uncooperative, it’s been difficult to write much of anything. This project is a pretty hefty, new story, so, again, it’ll probably be a while before anything comes to the publishing light. I pray one day this story is able to be read by many people.